Tuesday, October 26, 2010

you never know what she really feels.

I'm absolutely and completely fucked up. I hate how I'm not strong enough. I hate how I'm not good enough. I hate realizing that I can't be what I wanna be. I hate looking back at the things I did and wondering why I was like that. I just wish that my life has:

I also hate it when I act like I wear a mask who has a fake smile, saying that I'm okay, tell everyone the lies, and let my heart feels really hurt.

I'm not confident. I read people much better than books but I never have the words to explain myself. I sometimes walk with my head down. And I'm really not as nice as I'd like to be or as innocent as you'd think I am.

They say "when life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile" but now, when I have a thousand reasons to smile, life gives me a million reasons to see how bad and poor a life is...

Well... I actually miss that moment when I was little, when I didn't have to know what really happened in my life. Everything seems so free. And I was just an innocent child.

But eventhough I spoke as above, I'm very grateful to god because god gave me people who love and support me. God gave me opportunity to love and be loved.
So, I only can say that the conclusion of my story above is 'I have to be a better person'. Ya, that's all ;)

Lots of love,

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